i know, more about dad. today he was released from one wing to the rehab unit. there, he will not have a catheter (finally), and he will get all the help he will need to relearn, reprogram to do such simple tasks as getting dressed, going to the washroom, etc. they will work with him until no more progress is seen. this is yet another milestone we didn't think he would make.
i was out at mom and dad's today, helping mom with the mail. now she was feeling like she was stupid or not worth the help or having anyone listen to. she is so overwhelmed with everything, that it is just too much for her to take in. she said she was weak for crying, my god, she must let it out, and i am glad that she is opening up to me, she'd explode otherwise. i am so glad she called this morning. a little background. dad did EVERYTHING, i mean from paying all the bills, looking after the money, to doing the laundry and grocery shopping. little wonder she is on the verge of tears lately all the time.
she is feeling guilty because she and he both promised each other that nursing homes were out of the question, period. well, i am here to tell ya, that is a very real possibility for dad. he really would not know, i don't think, i have been around enough confused people to know that it isn't the environment but the love and support they get that makes them happy.
it is alot harder on mom than dad. because she didn't go through this kind of event. i mean she has had alot of health issues too, and having cancer for the last 12 years is not an exception. but she really hasn't had alot of sickness from the cancer, for that i am so grateful. she gets tired easily. i feel badly that i can't do more for her, but so long as i am a phone call away, and a 40 (or 25, if i drive way too fast) minute drive away should she need me to be in her presence. if only to hold her when she cries, i'll be there.
i am not the only one who blogs that has this going on in their lives, i am reading a few bloggers who have elderly (i always hated that word) parents who need their kids to help. we all do what we can.
meanwhile, dad knew who i was today, even though he was wandering between who i am now, and his past reality. he will settle in to the new and more proactive routine of the rehab unit.
i have been up since 4am, and it is 730p now, i am beat. between nearly 200 kms drive today and being at the hospital....i am just tired. i know that i am going to be alot tireder (yes that IS a word tonight) while all this gets on, but it will bring mom and i closer and isn't that what family is all about?
have a good night. back to work tomorrow, and then after supper i will go see dad. got some clothes to take over. poet
I am glad to hear that your dad is making positive progress. Hopefully, he will recover enough to come home. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI am sure that he will be alright in due course.Prayers !!
ReplyDeleteEven though your body is weary, I hear hope and strength in your words.You are wise to turn your attention to your mother. In situations like these, it is often the spouse that is hurting the most.You are a good daughter, feel proud of yourself, know that your unselfish deeds are not going unnoticed. Don't run yourself down, it is just as important that you keep yourself a priority, as your drive is to take care of others.love to you sweetiestrength to your bodywisdom to your mindand peace in your heart:) XXX OOO Darlene
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts go out to you tonight. Especially for your folks as they go through this difficult time. I really feel for them both. You are such a good daughter to be there when they need you so.Sorry to have been away for so long.
ReplyDeleteSounds like progress and as though some decisions have been made.Hope it goes really well when you visit your dad.Take care.
ReplyDeletethanks everyone. great to have support. i have all kinds here at home, but you all are so kind and thoughtful for sending your prayers our way. thank you.poet
ReplyDeleteI am glad that there is some progress here, and I send you all of my best wishes to you and your family.I am starting down the road of having parents that are "elderly" and I worry about my Dad all the time.You are doing the best you can - and you have to remember to take care of yourself...that is the best thing you can do for everyone.D
ReplyDeleteProgress is indeed a very good thing!Do you have power of atty. to help with banking and bills? If not, you really might want to look into that. It'll allow you to step in and help out if your mom can't or just doesn't feel up to it. It might give your mom some peace of mind, knowing you're there as a backup. I had it for my parents and it came in very handy, even when it just came to the bank or companies simply talking to me, acting on my parent's behalf.My dad never wanted to be in a nursing home, either. But, I also think he wouldn't have wanted to be a burden, and if the situation were different, would have wanted anyone he loved to get the care they needed. I think with the generation of our parents, they were (are) afraid of nursing homes, thinking that they're horrid smelly places and people just sit in a day room or by the nurse's station. We know if they're in a good one, that's not the case.Hang in there!
ReplyDeletethanks for all the great advice, my friends. my brother has al the bills set up so that mom doesn't have to worry about it. she and i spoke about PoA, but that was a moot point. we do have it set up so that she doesn't have to worry about what needs to be paid, etc, and she will need to get into a new routine. such a shock to be half on one apart, whole together. the traveling back and forth to the hospital is tiring for her, because of the distance. and the fact that visiting hours on that ward are after 3pm.i don't want her to get over tired, and i do not like to see her so upset about dad. k and i both know that this is a long haul now, and just because he apperas to "feel" ok, doesn't make it so. in any event, we will take it all one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteIt must be sad to see your parents like this, and although they promised each other not to send the other one to a nursing home, I do think it would be for the best, otherwise your mother would be spending all her time caring - not being able to live for herself. But it is a hard decision to make. Perhaps it sounds strange, but I'm glad that my grandmother didn't wake up after her stroke, because we didn't need to make the decisions anymore that you and your mother need to make now.I think it's very brave of you to do everything you're doing now, and I'm sure this is exacly what is helping your parents to cope with the current situation.Hugs,Nathalie
ReplyDeletethe power of positive thinking... sounds so dorky, but I find it works wonders.I am sending you many a bear hug and support
ReplyDelete