DAY 7 is drawing to a close and all i ca ...

DAY 7 is drawing to a close and all i can say is lookie what we're doing! we both have moments, but nothing we can't handle. isn't that odd? i mean, after smoking for how many years, to be done with it in a week? shall i be cautiously optimistic that the worst is behind us? we are really happy if that is the case. mind you, we are not putting ourselves OUT THERE where smoking is going on, it is too soon for that. but each crave we might have, we compare it to the dreaded DAY THREE, and nothing compares to that day. we're going to keep that close just in case we are near a tempt.

so on to other things then. i had a meltdown this morning. it all started by thinking ahead to all the things we need to get done; finish the washing down of everything (from smoking), build the deck, clean out and sort through about 20 two cubic foot cardboard boxes full of mom & dad's things and decide what to do with it all, clean out the stuff that is still up at mom's shed (i mean billy's shed), and where is all that going to go? what am i supposed to do with all the things that mom and dad saved that was about Dave? should i throw it out; he doesn't even know mom and dad made a scrap book of EVERY single event he was ever in, what about the photos of when he was young, would he want those? does he care? and what about his adoption information (he told mom one time that she should just burn it he wanted nothing to do with that stuff) (for the record he has nothing to do with this family for the last 30 odd years either). i decided that i will go through all these things, and box them up and mail them to him. it is his stuff. not mine. not like he is here helping me sort through the papers and personal things of mom & dad's. it has been left to me. and the only thing that he wants is his share of the estate, (which by the way, won't be until next year because of revenue canada, so ha ha ha ).

anyway, i got all emotional because there is all this to do, and my brother is so absent, and i am so angry for him hurting mom and dad for all these years, and he is not here for me, i am supposed to be his sister, he is older he should be here for me, but never is, so yeah he has hurt me right to my very core too, and it pisses me off to no end.

maybe i need an intervention. yes, bestus is gonna call my counselor tomorrow and get me in to have a chat. i guess i need some insight into this anger and how to learn to let it go. i have tried for a lot of years, and obviously what i am doing isn't working.

tonight was family supper night. r's turn, so he bought pizza at a local place that we never tried before. it was really good. not greasy and chewy like other places i was impressed. we'll have to do that again. :)

well, like i said, DAY 7 was a pretty good day. tomorrow will be as well. gonna join CURVES tomorrow. i need to. i got new sneakers yesterday and even shaved my legs for the event, well that and it was so summertime hot here today. supposed to have a humidex tomorrow too. 29C including that. gross, i hate heat waves. already too hot for me. besides, the lawn still hasn't dried out yet, and now the black flies are coming. gross. have a great night. until tomorrow then,,,poet.