PURPLE.

today is PURPLE. in recognition of those who have committed suicide from being bullied. i was a bullied teen when we moved from big city to small town, back in 1978.  new kid in the school, only three new kids in the whole school that september. one was a boy who fit right in with the boys in gr.8. the other girl, she slipped right into the group of the 'cool kids' ( i thought). and that left only me. to fend for myself.

i was taunted and teased, and beat up, by more than one person from grade 8 through to grade 11. imagine!!  i have been stuffed in lockers, picked up and thrown into garbage cans, had my prized high school jacket stolen, only to be found ripped in the garbage, been beaten with brass knuckles, stalked and scared to death. just because i was the new kid in the class.  i have scars and chipped teeth from brawls, but the emotional scars are the ones that haunt me now and again. i told the principal after a year and a half of what i deemed torture and unacceptable behaviour, and all he asked was " What did you do to provoke them?"   i remember always having a sore neck (from looking over my shoulder whenever i would leave a class) and have panic attacks when it was time for gym class. i was terrified most of the time. all because i was the new kid in the class. i was no different than anyone else in the class. i was left handed, but half of that village is left handed, so that was not a reason. i was from the 'outside' not born in to their clique. i was different as far as they were concerned. i even tried to explain that i was not all that different, i did have relatives there, it didn't matter to them. i was the new kid in the class. for 4 of my 5 years at that school.  i had a nervous breakdown at 17. i barely left the house, i never socialized with anyone, i stayed to myself because that way i would not get hurt....physically. the scars i bare in my soul are still there. i hardly think of those times anymore, but for days like this, when we are called to remember what bullying can and does do to some...they take their own lives.

i went to college briefly in the fall of '83. there were a few bullies there as well. i can recall being teased, and taunted again there as well. um, i was not the New Kid there. we came from all over the province to attend that course, why was i still a target? i never really found out. there were a few nice girls there, but for the most part, those 4 months were hell on earth to me, too. if i went to the shower room, i always took my clothes in the stall with me in a plastic bag, for fear they would take them...they watched for me to go in, and would switch out the lights and rustle around outside banging on the stall door, and i would stand there naked, sobbing. i walked alot, alone, in between studying and classes. didn't matter if it was pouring down rain, all the better, rain on my face covered up the tears down my cheeks.

and then i got married, and there was a new kind of bullying. controlled and belittled until i didn't recognize myself in the mirror, nor did i know my purpose in life. i did what was expected of me for 14 years. and then i had had enough.

i am now very happy. i rarely think of those times anymore. no longer am i the new kid, or the teased kid, or the taken for granted wife. i am POET, and i am here to tell you it does get better.

for those of you who are being teased or bullied, tell someone. tell someone of trust. speak up. in this day and age is not like when i was a teen.  teachers and principals are better equipped to handle this kind of thing nowadays.....after all it is all over the news, and YOUTUBE and the internet and everywhere. speak up, please. 

i watched the most moving speech today on youtube, by councilor Joel Burns. take a minute and watch it as well. stand up and make a difference in your world. it does get better.