i will be spending today with my mom, and tomorrow as well. we spend alot more time together since dad passed. she depends on me to see to things that she really doesn't know how to attend to. i'm happy to do it. i only wish i could do more for her. however, working 40 hours a week and living an hour away one way doesn't help that.
i have three mothers. my birth mother, with whom i have no contact. my mom, mentioned above and lots of times on this blog. my late mother-in-law, who was very kind to me during my married life, and up until her death in 1996. my m-i-l once told me that i was more of a daughter to her than her own daughter. though it was meant in kindness, i could not help but to feel sad for her own flesh and blood, who never knew how to 'be there' for her mom.
i was the primary caregiver for both my aging inlaws until their deaths. it put a deep strain on my mental health, but if i had to do it over, i am sure that i would have, no question. it was expected, and it was the right thing to do. you look after family, at all costs. well, it did cost me, but at the time i only did what any daughter in a similar situation would do. having had broken a hip, and then having a severely devastating stroke, she had no alternative but to depend on others (me) for everything. and though it was not easy, i did it willingly, and without thanks. have a few regrets, but can't change those. on her death bed, she lay waiting to reunite with her husband of over 50 years, she looked at me, and whispered 'thank you'. that was all i needed.
having met my birth mother back in 1989, i went in with my eyes wide open. no expectations, and i tried to keep my preconceived notions to myself. we attempted a relationship, but it was not to be. she had too difficult a time with the whole ,,,"you used to be vickie, but you're marta now". she has had plenty of opportunity to get in touch with me. (i'm in the book) but i have not heard from her for over ten years now. i'm over that. i did my adoption search,,,i seek, i saw, i found.
my mom who raised me will always stay closest in my heart, and i will be devastated when i lose her. in the meanwhile, i will do what i can to make her life easier. it would be nice if we could get the house sold, and have her move closer to us, and i think she is thinking about that. we'll see. the perfect scenario would be if she could have a place in here, in our little neighbourhood. it would actually be perfect for her. a small mini home with no maintenance and very little upkeep, us handy enough to look out for her, and close to hospital etc.
my mom has always been there for me, and i will return in kind.
just take a moment to remember the band-aid on the skinned knee. washing hair in the kitchen sink. shaking you in your leotards. attending parent teacher interviews. holding your hand. watching you as you grew up. the tears of pride when you got your high school diploma. congratulating you on your first job. holding her first grandchild, or her second or third...
be there the way she needs you to be. i know i will.
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