7 years, 6 months, 13 days

 

Moosehead Lageris what i started drinking a lot of when i really got into drinking. i did not drink for a long time, but i did drink intensely for a short time. i am not proud of the fact, but it is what it is, and i am much better than i was back then. i did switch from the full strength beer to this one: ah , moose light. it was a tasty beer. no after taste, refreshing. and i oughtta know, i put a LOT of it away at one time. the last 2 yrs i drank, i drank every single day. it was breakfast, lunch and supper for me. i did not go anywhere after noon. classy. i never ran out, made sure of that. i remember sitting on the deck at D's place and just running it in. i remember sitting in our rented room and hammer slammin'. i remember the buzz. i remember the headaches. i remember wha ti did and what i said. i remember drunk dialing friends. i remember driving through blizzards and when i got to my destination, falling out of the car, barely able to walk. i remember sitting outside a friends' place, crying my heart out because i was 'not understood'. i remember being an embarrassment, full of shame. i remember it all. i remember stopping, not consciously, just one day i didn't open a beer. same for the next day, and then it was a month later. then it was 6 months later, and then a year later.   i remember having hysterical crying fits, and not knowing why? i remember sitting on our deck, staring at the people in the parking lot, and wondering if they could tell just by looking at me. i remember what seemed like endless doctor's appointments and counseling sessions that eventually got me to where i am today. i remember the feeling i get when my inner circle tells me how proud they are of me.  i remember my first job after i stopped drinking. i remember everything. i am so thankful that my subconscious made the decision for me to stop, if not, i would surely be dead by now.  there is an online website that i have been a member of for about 10 yrs now. i am so grateful for learning about a new life, and how much better it is without drinking.   if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do. if you ask the question you already know the answer. and if you know the answer, then send me a message and i will link you up with the website and the organization that helps millions of women around the world.  ~stay safe my sisters~ *gentle hugs* poet.   (lead by example you never know who is watching)