A Story about Adoption.

I was adopted into a loving home when I was but 4 months old. My new parents jumped through all the hoops that they had to in order to be determined as "fit" parents. In fact, I am their second adopted child, they had adopted a boy 10 years before they finally got me.

In 1989, I decided that I wanted to follow through on a plan to do a birth search. I enlisted the help of a nice lady who lived in Fredericton at the time, who belonged to a group called Parent Finders. She told me all the things I could do to locate the bio parents, and she coached me every step of the way.

Fast forward to October, 1989. I flew to Ontario and met all these strangers for the first time in person. We had been writing letters and doing phone calls from initial contact in August. I learned I had a bio mom, N, bio dad, B, older full sister, D, younger .5 sister, Y, and a younger full brother J.  My older and younger sisters are both married, and have children. Not sure about J, he is an odd little duck.

Skip ahead some....in 1991, N was difficult at best to communicate with. She always insisted that I call her Mom in our letters. Um, nope. And she was not too impressed that I hit it off with bio dad B either. Yes, I miss B....he passed away in Feb, 1994, we had but a few years to learn about one another.

About B. He was awesome. He actually told me his truth about the whole how we came to be adopted. He did not even know about my birth, had been paying support to CAS for the older child. It was CAS who informed him that he no longer had to send money for his TWO daughters, as they were now in foster care awaiting adoption. What a shock that must have been for him.  He and N had a rocky relationship at best, he said, but he thought he would do the honorable thing, and get back with N for ever, and raise the daughter that N now was carrying. (B & N got together in 1962, D was born in 1964, i came along 11 months later in 1965, and the next baby, Y arrived 14 months after that. and then B married N, and raised Y and a few years later, J arrived.)

Ok, so the rockiness of these relationships have followed me through 2 decades now. So, after B passed away in 1994, I received a box containing everything I had sent to him, from Y. and for the record, I Have not heard a peep out of her since. That is ok with me. It is her choice, I am much easier to find and can be found if she chooses to. Same with J, not a word. As for N? Nothing from her either. And that really is OK by me. Really it is. After all, I had a mom and a dad and everything I needed and most of what I wanted. I have had a good upbringing, and I am ok with not having a relationship with them.  The oldest sibling, D, is another story altogether. We have had a very odd relationship. I mean, sometimes it is on, sometimes it is off, there were a few happy times, but there was always something missing.

My mom told me that she remembered a little blonde girl about a yr older than myself in that foster home when they went to meet with CAS and me. Not a word was spoken that we were siblings, back then it was hard to place 1 child let alone 2. Mom did tell me, if they had known, they would have adopted both of us, to keep us together. Sadly, it was not meant to be.

In any case, D and I have tried on numerous occasions to have a relationship. It just never seems to work. I am afraid that we are just two different to get along in a mature and supportive friendship. I have had to pretty much cut ties because it is just too stressful for me to live up to her expectations. Life is too short. So, usually around our birth month (we share april), I usually hear from her. This year was no exception. She was telling me about a medical issue that she thought i should know about. I e-mailed back sending my sadness that she had an affliction, thank you for telling me about it, and I won't be writing again. She took offense and thought I was thinking awfully high of myself that SHE would want to rekindled the relationship. (maybe I was assuming she was, and wanted to stop it dead in its tracks). 

So, there is a point and I am going to make it here now. I have not had any contact since. I know nothing about her life as it is now, or how my nephews are doing these days.  On the other hand, she is able to keep up with the comings and goings that I write here because she reads this all the time! So, D, I know you are reading this, so you know that I know you come here, and often. When it was decided that we were going to have no contact, I guess that didn't include visiting me here in my HIDEAWAY.  I will not censor myself for you or anyone who happens by here. I just wanted you to know, I know you are here.